Life can be so absurd, yet so hilarious.
The blurring of the line between The Onion and real news stories is making the two indistinguishable. Henceforth, this story from The Daily Mail:
The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist.
I thought I was gonna rupture my spleen after I read that. *whew* So many ways to go with this…Aren’t we already there? And let this be a warning to all the hot chicks out there, keep turning me down and you’ll be creating a world full of goblins! Anyway, let’s continue:
The alarming prediction comes from evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.
These humans will be between 6ft and 7ft tall and they will live up to 120 years.
“Physical features will be driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility that men and women have evolved to look for in potential mates,” says the report, which suggests that advances in cosmetic surgery and other body modifying techniques will effectively homogenise our appearance.
The thing you have to keep in mind when you read these stories is that predictions like this have been around for years, but we live in the media age where everything is reported and sensationalized so much that it seems like it’s a new phenomenon, but it isn’t.
I’ll give you an example: In my neck of the woods, we have the Hoover Dam, one of the great engineering marvels. If you ever visit the Dam and listen to the tour guides, you’ll hear the story of how when the dam project was proposed a number of “scientists” at the time warned the government not to do it for a concrete structure of that size would knock the planet off its axis. Well, this didn’t happen…go figure, but crackpot theories will always be with us, and I say keep ’em coming. That’s entertainment!