Of Bigfoot DNA and Blueberry Bagels

I confess…I watch a lot of Bigfoot shows on cable TV. The question of why has haunted me for a while. They’re like Gilligan’s Island. No matter what happens on that show, you knew they were not going to get rescued; either Gilligan is going to screw it up or their potential rescuer is going to flake out on them. Same with Bigfoot…they find hair, they have fuzzy video or photos, an obscure howl in the distance, but nothing definite.

Yet, we watch. Finding Bigfoot on Animal Planet pulls great basic cable numbers, and yet, every episode ends with, “While we didn’t find Bigfoot…” Why we watch even if we don’t believe in such a creature could be easily explained by the fact we just like a good ghost/monster story. Or perhaps it has to do with our curiosity about where we came from in evolutionary history. A scientist (who seems to “quack” like a duck) says she has sequenced Bigfoot’s DNA:

“The genome sequencing shows that Sasquatch mtDNA is identical to modern Homo sapiens, but Sasquatch nuDNA is a novel, unknown hominin related to Homo sapiens and other primate species.”

Ketchum writes that her team’s research indicates the “North American Sasquatch” is a hybrid of a female Homo sapien and a male of “unknown hominin species,” whose DNA matched approximately 15,000 years ago.

In other words, her theory is some kind of ape-man had a baby with a female human and birthed a reason for watching TV on Sunday.


As it turns out, Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard of a Michigan home that, according to the owner, sees regular visits from Sasquatch creatures.

I wonder what kind of cream cheese smear Bigfoot likes?


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